Twitter to Be Banned In Canada during economic crisis

Prime Minister Harper had urged the banning of the Micro-blog Twitter in Canada during the ‘Global Economic Crisis’.

A statement issued from The Prime Ministers office today stated  “Prime Minister Harper and his caucus have studied the effects of Twitter and feel it is a huge drain on the Canadian economy, and one that cannot be sustained during these harsh times.”

“Twittering causes a huge energy drain on our citizens in this hard time” said Prime Minister Harper today in Ottawa  “and we, the government feel,  for the good of the country and its citizens both English and otherwise, that twittering should be banned and the money saved put into the Chrysler pension fund, for example”

A Minister close to the Prime Minister stated that extensive studies had been done by his department and had found that in one Province alone the amount of Used Twitters now littering the countryside was an eyesore and a vast energy and money drain on the country’s resources.( The Province declined to be named.)

Twitter will be switched back on once the country has come through this ‘Global Economic Crisis‘ The Prime Minster has promised.

REF: Ok just so we’re on the same page – kidding

Harper has probably never heard of twitter – maybe the internet though.

Cocaine and Twitter Use Linked in Brain waves

A medical study done by doctors at The Hospital For Medicine and Medical Studies has linked brain waves caused by severe cocaine use and brain waves caused by large doses of Twitter use.

The brain pattern of mice using twitter and mice using cocaine, doctors say – are identical.

The study suggests however that although  that twitter leads to cocaine, cocaine usage does not necessarily lead to Twitter usage.

Doctors are warning parents of young children, to keep their children away from twitter or any known twitter users.

Although  teenagers do pick up the habit,doctors state their study finds that adults, male and female, in their early twenties are almost bound to be or know  twitter users. Caution is strongly advised and its best to inform authoirites as early as possible so the twitter usage can be stopped before it becomes too habit forming.

Studies suggest that if usage is caught early on, a total cure is possible.

Ecstasy so far is not linked to Twitter.

Tweeting leads to drug use

The Medical Journal of Medicine in a recent article has stated that obsessive tweeters ( Those who use the micro-blog obsessively) have been found more likely to become addicted to heroin than the average Blog user.

The article states that research has shown that 76% of adults and 85% of youth who are now heroin addicts – started out on twitter.

There are calls for  Surgeon General to look at new laws that will encode a statement under each tweet that tweeting can harm your health, and will lead to drug use, unless controlled

MJM. ref 2435

Twitter causes Restless Leg Syndrome

Twitter, restless legs syndrome linked

It’s estimated that 5% to 10% of adults have restless leg syndrome and a new study finds those with a Twitter account are 1 1/2 times more likely to have the syndrome than those who have no Twitter accounts.

FACTS ON RESTLESS LEGS

• Patients report burning, creeping, tugging or insect-crawling sensations inside legs.

• Symptoms can worsen toward evening.

• Sleep loss as a result of the condition can hinder concentration and memory.

• Moderate exercise, hot baths, certain supplements, prescription drugs or massage may help.

Source: National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Twitter/Facebook addictions.

Source: USA Today

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By Mary Brophy Marcus, USA TODAY
Carrying too many tweets in one household appears to be associated with a common sleep problem.

BETTER LIFE: More news on sleep aids, disorders

“The movements make it difficult to fall and stay asleep,” says Carolyn D’Ambrosio, director of the Center for Sleep Medicine at Tufts Medical Center in Boston. “These people suffer terribly from pain and discomfort.”

It is estimated that 5% to 10% of adults have restless legs syndrome, says Lisa Shives, medical director of Northshore Sleep Medicine in Evanston, Ill.

The Tweets pile up

Dateline Chicago Feb29th:

According to an unamed but reliable source more Tweets were found today littering the Illinois landscape. Reports of abandoned tweets (that is microblogs from Twitter) have been streaming in from around the country.

International news:

The Chinese governement has apparently designated Taiwan as the official landfill for their tweets and has been shipping them in at night disguised as clothing.

N Korea has set up watch towers on its borders to watch for incoming tweets.Tweets are illegal in N.Korea

Hong Kong however has a found a way to recondition and re-use tweets and is apparently doing a roaring trade in the Tweet re-sale market.

A husband and wife team in Malaysia who make all the DVD’s in the world have been cleaning up old abandoned tweets,stringing them together and selling them to ex facebook users.